Remington Just Trying to Survive (and stay sane?): April 2013

Why the hell would I write this blog?

Why did I create this blog?

In the middle of August 2012, my husband and I found out that he has cancer... incurable, inoperable pancreatic cancer & my life has been a sad fog of hospital stays, doctor appointments and fear of what will I do without my best friend. I've decided to create a blog about my experience with the sadness I feel, to have a place to put my feelings, since I cannot afford a shrink and keeping it stuffed inside seems to be making me feel like I'm going to explode.

This is a blog devoted to trying to survive the loss of my husband, and best friend

I don't know why I'm doing it, I'm such a private person - and a big believer in being careful of the TMI, but perhaps I need an overflow valve. So there you have it.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Treading water

I go through each day trying to move - trying to do the things I need to do. I feel like I'm alone in the ocean far from shore, swept out by a terrible undertow that I didn't see coming and if I stop moving I'll die. I remember reading this poem years ago in English class. This is how I feel.
Not Waiving but Drowing
http://www.artofeurope.com/smith/smi1.htm

Monday, April 1, 2013

April fools day

I miss Paul playing little April fools jokes on me. Nothing elaborate, just tell me little funny things to see if I believe him.

Holidays are hard

Holidays are hard without Paul - he loved any holiday - like a little kid. It was a good excuse to have chocolate. It was a good excuse to have everyone over. It was a good excuse to go out and do something. He just loved having a good time with family and friends & I miss that.