Why the hell would I write this blog?

Why did I create this blog?

In the middle of August 2012, my husband and I found out that he has cancer... incurable, inoperable pancreatic cancer & my life has been a sad fog of hospital stays, doctor appointments and fear of what will I do without my best friend. I've decided to create a blog about my experience with the sadness I feel, to have a place to put my feelings, since I cannot afford a shrink and keeping it stuffed inside seems to be making me feel like I'm going to explode.

This is a blog devoted to trying to survive the loss of my husband, and best friend

I don't know why I'm doing it, I'm such a private person - and a big believer in being careful of the TMI, but perhaps I need an overflow valve. So there you have it.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Coffee in bed

Paul used to bring me coffee & sometimes toast on the mornings. That small act made me feel loved & special. It has been so hard getting out if bed without that. So many things missing from my life without him. So it's been over a year since I've had coffee/breakfast in bed :-(
This morning I woke up around 6:30 & laid in bed with Cassie on the floor next to me & Trouble purring curled up next to me. So this frosty morning I decided to get myself some coffee & toast & climb back in bed. I checked out Pinterest & blogs & Facebook with Trouble & Cassie next to me. Feeding Cassie toast crusts & petting Trouble. Wish Paul was here - but he will never be here again & I'm still trying to figure out my new normal. 

Friday, October 11, 2013

I long so much to be able to hold each other again - hurts so much I actually ache. Still feel like it just happened.
I saw a Winnie the Pooh quote on Facebook, and I thought that it described me and Paul. I started looking up quotes and they made me cry, because that's exactly how we felt about each other. We were Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, best friends.


I miss so much Paul. It's too hard to move along without you.