Why the hell would I write this blog?

Why did I create this blog?

In the middle of August 2012, my husband and I found out that he has cancer... incurable, inoperable pancreatic cancer & my life has been a sad fog of hospital stays, doctor appointments and fear of what will I do without my best friend. I've decided to create a blog about my experience with the sadness I feel, to have a place to put my feelings, since I cannot afford a shrink and keeping it stuffed inside seems to be making me feel like I'm going to explode.

This is a blog devoted to trying to survive the loss of my husband, and best friend

I don't know why I'm doing it, I'm such a private person - and a big believer in being careful of the TMI, but perhaps I need an overflow valve. So there you have it.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Am I selfish?

I grew up in Jersey, within 1/2 hour drive from the Seaside Boardwalk - the Jersey Shore. Much time in the summer spent there. It was devastated last October, during the hurricane. I was in the hospital with Paul as he lay dying. Within 3 weeds my father was gone. 3 months later my aunt passed away. I still have no full time job. When the boardwalk reopened on Memorial Day after a lot of hard work it was glimmer of hope for me. That rebuilding is possible. Moving forward is possible. Yesterday a 6 alarm fire reduced it to ash. And all I can feel is how muchore loss can I take? How could I be so selfish? Those poor people who own and work at those businesses I cant imagine having the strength to rebuild a 2nd time