A year ago today I lost my best friend. I held him in my arms, kissed him and told him I loved him as he died. It doesn't feel like it was a whole year ago - feels like it just happened and I miss him so much. I still don't know what I'm going to do now. I still don't know how to live. Still caught in a rip tide and can't make my way back to shore.
It's not fair how he suffered with his cancer. I know it's not my fault but I still feel I should've done more. We were both so scared and sad about losing each other. He would cry and tell me he didn't want to die and he was going to miss me. What do you say to that? All I could do was cry and tell him I didn't want him to die and I was was going to miss him so much. I didn't know how to be stronger - how to comfort him so he could be at peace. I still don't know. The only thing I could do was to hold him, be with him, so he was not alone.
And now I am alone.
I hope there is a heaven and he is there, at peace and happy. With his Mother, Father & Sister. I hope he knows how much I love him. How much I will always love him.
