Why the hell would I write this blog?

Why did I create this blog?

In the middle of August 2012, my husband and I found out that he has cancer... incurable, inoperable pancreatic cancer & my life has been a sad fog of hospital stays, doctor appointments and fear of what will I do without my best friend. I've decided to create a blog about my experience with the sadness I feel, to have a place to put my feelings, since I cannot afford a shrink and keeping it stuffed inside seems to be making me feel like I'm going to explode.

This is a blog devoted to trying to survive the loss of my husband, and best friend

I don't know why I'm doing it, I'm such a private person - and a big believer in being careful of the TMI, but perhaps I need an overflow valve. So there you have it.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Miss you more

Missing you on my birthday. Missing you on a warm spring day and the windows are open. I know how much you loved that. Missing you as the birds come to the feeder. I know how much you look forward to the return of the humming birds. Missing you on your birthday. Missing you today at the track watching your son & friends race. I'm sitting in the stands, fighting back tears as the sun and breeze hits my face. I don't want anybody to see, today isn't about me. It's so hard doing things we used to do together, thinking about what you would say or do if you were sitting next to me. You always enjoyed things with such boyish enthusiasm, that you made everything fun. And now all I feel is loss. Nothing is fun any more.

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