Well it seems that in talking to counselors and what I read, it'll probably be at least a year that I will be feeling this way. I kinda feel like I don't have that long. It's a prison sentence for me, I might as well rob a bank, and just spend that time in prison. Well I guess robbing a bank has a longer than 1 year in jail, I'll have to find something that has a year long jail sentence.
I was thinking about amputees and the grief they feel over a lost limb, or limbs and how their lives would never be the same again. I wonder if its the same feeling, or which is worse. I feel like I've lost a large part of me, like I might've well lost a leg or an arm. I cannot imagine it hurts worse than this. I swear I feel like if satan came to me while Paul was sick and told me that I could have Paul for 10 more years in perfect health and then in 10 years when it was his time to die, it would be quick and painless, but the price would be one of my legs, I would've made that deal in an instant, without even thinking about it. Here, take my leg! I need Paul more than I need a leg, that's for sure!
1 comment:
I lost my partner two months ago and I accidentally came across your blog. It is like reading my own thoughts. It made me feel less crazy, and that is a huge plus on the roller coaster of emotions I am going through. Thank you for that!
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