Why the hell would I write this blog?

Why did I create this blog?

In the middle of August 2012, my husband and I found out that he has cancer... incurable, inoperable pancreatic cancer & my life has been a sad fog of hospital stays, doctor appointments and fear of what will I do without my best friend. I've decided to create a blog about my experience with the sadness I feel, to have a place to put my feelings, since I cannot afford a shrink and keeping it stuffed inside seems to be making me feel like I'm going to explode.

This is a blog devoted to trying to survive the loss of my husband, and best friend

I don't know why I'm doing it, I'm such a private person - and a big believer in being careful of the TMI, but perhaps I need an overflow valve. So there you have it.

Monday, March 4, 2013

I don't understand what's going on!

Just got back from a trip to NJ to see my Aunt Janet (who is my father's younger sister) She is in hospice dying of cancer. All the loss around me. I feel like I'm just adrift in the ocean, caught in the undertow and I can't get out of it. I'm tired of swimming, trying to keep from drowning & I don't know how much more I can handle.

I'm glad I got a chance to see her, but it did make my feelings about Paul as raw as ever.

I feel so sad for my cousin losing her mother and my aunts and uncles who are losing another sibling. I should call them, but I can't bring myself to do it. It's too emotional to me. My heart hurts.
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