Why the hell would I write this blog?

Why did I create this blog?

In the middle of August 2012, my husband and I found out that he has cancer... incurable, inoperable pancreatic cancer & my life has been a sad fog of hospital stays, doctor appointments and fear of what will I do without my best friend. I've decided to create a blog about my experience with the sadness I feel, to have a place to put my feelings, since I cannot afford a shrink and keeping it stuffed inside seems to be making me feel like I'm going to explode.

This is a blog devoted to trying to survive the loss of my husband, and best friend

I don't know why I'm doing it, I'm such a private person - and a big believer in being careful of the TMI, but perhaps I need an overflow valve. So there you have it.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

So Lost

I lost my job, I lost my best friend & husband, I lost my father, and now I am losing my home. Pieces of me, chipped away. So many that I cannot recognize my life anymore - just a broken, shattered pile of pieces left. Some of those pieces gone forever and I am losing myself. I feel so small. A small, small, frightened, confused child and I am lost. So lost  I can't find my way back. Every time I try to move forward, I cannot find the right direction - each way I go I run into dead ends, road blocks, hazards, and blind alleys. I don't think I can go on any further. I am tired. So, so tired.
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