Why the hell would I write this blog?

Why did I create this blog?

In the middle of August 2012, my husband and I found out that he has cancer... incurable, inoperable pancreatic cancer & my life has been a sad fog of hospital stays, doctor appointments and fear of what will I do without my best friend. I've decided to create a blog about my experience with the sadness I feel, to have a place to put my feelings, since I cannot afford a shrink and keeping it stuffed inside seems to be making me feel like I'm going to explode.

This is a blog devoted to trying to survive the loss of my husband, and best friend

I don't know why I'm doing it, I'm such a private person - and a big believer in being careful of the TMI, but perhaps I need an overflow valve. So there you have it.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Through to the other side

The last time I wrote in this blog everything was becoming darker and darker and I had to concentrate on just keeping it together and to hold on. In the past 4 years I've been working my way back. Back to myself, back to being able to love again, back to feeling not so afraid, back to my creativity, back to being able feel joy again. Putting the pieces back together. Not good as new, but good as lived. Every crack and scar a testament to survival. That I am not letting what hurt me, break me. I now look at everything as: that was then, this is now... and now... and now...   I will survive by always looking to the light, by looking for the joy and not let the sorrow of yesterday take away the beauty that is right in front of me today.
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