Why the hell would I write this blog?

Why did I create this blog?

In the middle of August 2012, my husband and I found out that he has cancer... incurable, inoperable pancreatic cancer & my life has been a sad fog of hospital stays, doctor appointments and fear of what will I do without my best friend. I've decided to create a blog about my experience with the sadness I feel, to have a place to put my feelings, since I cannot afford a shrink and keeping it stuffed inside seems to be making me feel like I'm going to explode.

This is a blog devoted to trying to survive the loss of my husband, and best friend

I don't know why I'm doing it, I'm such a private person - and a big believer in being careful of the TMI, but perhaps I need an overflow valve. So there you have it.

Monday, November 12, 2012

The funeral company called on Friday afternoon and said his ashes are ready. I haven't been able to bring myself to go get him. Originally Lauren was going to go with me tomorrow, but I called her and chickened out. I told her we could go Wednesday. I'll have to make myself go, no matter how hard it is. Where am I going to put him in the house until spring? He wants to be buried in an Mobil 1 oil can, but we are having a hard time finding one that large enough. So he'll be in a cardboard box. I might have to find a wooden box to put him in in the meantime. If the box where I can see it, I'm afraid it'll upset me, but I can't just shove him in the closet either. I don't know. It's all just so weird. Too weird for me. This is going to drive me crazy! It's all just too crazy for me.
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