Why the hell would I write this blog?

Why did I create this blog?

In the middle of August 2012, my husband and I found out that he has cancer... incurable, inoperable pancreatic cancer & my life has been a sad fog of hospital stays, doctor appointments and fear of what will I do without my best friend. I've decided to create a blog about my experience with the sadness I feel, to have a place to put my feelings, since I cannot afford a shrink and keeping it stuffed inside seems to be making me feel like I'm going to explode.

This is a blog devoted to trying to survive the loss of my husband, and best friend

I don't know why I'm doing it, I'm such a private person - and a big believer in being careful of the TMI, but perhaps I need an overflow valve. So there you have it.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Slipping Away

It is torture to watch my best friend slipping away from me. I'm tired of being at this hospital but it's worse going home and he's not there. And knowing he'll never come home. I don't know if I'll be able to stand it. How can I sleep on our bed and he not be there? A warm loving person to snuggle with, to hold onto, to tell me it's going to be alright? Paul makes me laugh, he makes me feel loved, he makes me feel missed when we are apart, he makes me feel beautiful, and makes me feel smart. He is my confidant and my partner in crime. Who am I without him?

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